Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize