why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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