he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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