yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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