her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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