I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
