I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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