It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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