Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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