Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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