i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
