: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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