I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
