A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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