I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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