Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
