so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
