her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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