I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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