so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
