I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
