some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I FOUND THE LEGS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
