I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
