I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
