you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would ride that face into the sunset
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
