You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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