On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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