Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
