I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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