Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
