You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
