I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
