I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
