We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
