Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize