My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
