I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
