Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
