foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
