I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
