yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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