i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
