Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize