Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
