I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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