some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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