Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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