Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
