i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
