im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
