so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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