Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
