there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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