my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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