He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.