Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
