i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
