I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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