I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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