Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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