apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
