literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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