You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
