all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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