He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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