Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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