I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
