if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
