remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
