I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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