So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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