I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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