Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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