You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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