You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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