Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
