dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You ate ashes out of my bong
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
