he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
