Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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