What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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