two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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