Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
