I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
